I wrote this with the intentions of lending a few guiding words to my underclassmen.
1. Not everyone is going to like you.
It does not matter how old you are or where you come from, and it does not matter what your opinion is on yourself, there will always be someone who does not like you. That someone could be of any age and they can be someone that is within your circle. That someone can be a family member, a coach, a person that has never looked you in the eyes, or a set of bones with organs. On a more personal note, sometimes people will turn their back on you when you least expect it.
Although your haters may dislike you for trying to "justify" a situation, let us do just that. We do not always know why people are placed in our paths, but ask yourself a couple of important questions:
"Am I making myself happy?" &
"Am I doing what is good for me?"
Do not take advantage of these questions in a way that would make yourself agree with a hater. Give yourself credit for how far you have come. Relax, BREATHE, and keep doing what makes your heart happy. Respect yourself and others. You know who you are and who you are not. Do not allow the negativity consume you. Go live this beautiful life that has been GIFTED to you.
2. There is one body that you need to love unconditionally.
It takes seven years for each of your cells to be replaced by new ones. Essentially, it is like being a whole new body every seven years. You might as well love body and the way you look.
When I was younger, there was a woman that inspired me-- yet she was so uncomfortable in her own skin and features. I could never connect or understand because I thought she was just as beautiful on the outside as I knew her soul was beautiful. A few years ago, I started to connect and understand when someone spent time whining about a flaw.
Here is what I have learned: It is easy to compare yourself to others and hate that you do not have something they do not have. But did you stop to remember that each of our genetics are different? We were each created from our parents and intricately, therefore, there is something unique about all of us. It is important to take time to get to know your body. We each require something different to stay healthy and motivated. Embrace every "flaw" to the point of loving each "flaw" as being equally as loved as the rest of your body.
Why can we not love ourselves the way we loved our parents when we were young-- unconditionally.
Here is a short story on a realization I had.
Every Sunday morning at the nursery I used to work at, I would carry one year old baby C on my hip until she stopped crying. This could take anywhere from thirty minutes to an hour and a half. One morning while C and I were walking in circles and I was humming, I would switch her from hip to hip as she became heavy. Each time I switched her to a new hip, her legs would wrap around my waist like connecting a puzzle piece. That is when it hit me that God blessed me with my love handles for a reason. God gave me a body that would carry babies. A body that could comfort screaming toddlers and crying babies. So while I continue to workout and eat healthy, I will keep in mind that God blessed me with a body to one day raise a family.
3. Honestly, honesty is the best policy.
You have got to live with yourself for the rest of your life. You probably have more thoughts kept inside of your head than you have spoke. At the end of the day, YOU have to live with YOU.
Imagine standing on a trampoline while it is below freezing outside. Now imagine the trampoline breaks and your leg falls through and you are stuck. You thought the trampoline would hold you because it is not like it is was that cold outside. Why would the trampoline break? Now imagine that trampoline is you and you are holding someone up. Do not cheat and do not lie. Do not let the trampoline break because it is chilly outside. No one deserves the ground to break below them.
When you share your thoughts, I think it is best to embrace yourself honestly. If you do not, well, life will reveal the truth for you. Although telling stories can be fun, embracing the truth can take you further in a positive manner.
How might anyone get to know you if you are not honest? How might you be able to truly connect with anyone if you do not try to open up and express your thoughts? Ultimately, people want to love and be loved at the end of the day. To not embrace yourself would almost be a fib. Each of us play an important role in life.
Take this for example: If life were a puzzle and you are a puzzle piece, how would the puzzle be created successfully if you are not yourself? If you are constantly trying to mold yourself into something you are not, would the puzzle be successful?
Why not embrace your beautiful soul with other souls. We are constantly moving and learning. To share yourself with someone might open their eyes. There is a whole world for us to discover.
4. You are important.
Do I need to say it again? You matter. You are matter. You are matter that puts joy in other lives. Know your worth. Know what you want to stand for and stand for it (hopefully positive). Stand for yourself. Stand for the things that fuel your fire and take nothing less. Know your boundaries and do not break. YOU OWE IT TO YOURSELF. You owe genuine love to yourself. You are important. Free yourself from any restraints.
5. You love who you love.
Pink, white, brown, black, purple, green, chimmychangashoelacetoeskygrass, boy, or girl, build a family with who is good for you and who you love. IF IT IS LOVE (adj.), LOVE (verb).
6. Fear destroys.
What is worse than letting "what if..." control your every move? You better take your chances in this short life. You better open up to new wonderful opportunities. If you enjoy something, PERSUE IT. It is instilled in you for a reason.
7. There are no failures, just lessons.
Fail. & fail again. & fail some more. & fail. & TURN ALL OF YOUR FAILURES INTO LESSONS. Put all of your failures into a briefcase and turn to them when you need a reminder of how far you have come and what you have learned from.
8. You get one blood family.
Sometimes it is hard to love a person that lives in the same house as you and is utterly cruel. You do not have to like them, but try to love them. Give it all you got with the purpose that you did what you could to help; to let them know that you have been there for them all along.
Do not take your family members for granted. You get one blood mom and one blood dad. No, they are not perfect, but they have sacrificed things you cannot see. Whether you like them or not, they are teaching you something.
9. Be kind.
You do not know what battles people fight in their heads or at home. You do not know where people fight their battles or how they fight them. Each person is fighting at least one battle, you ought to be there for them if you can. Lend a helping hand and share smiles with strangers!! Let people know that they are not alone. Let them know that they are not fighting battles alone. Let the sun rays fill you and pour the rays out to others. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Check on the people that are constantly smiling. Check on the people that are constantly frowning.
10. Love (verb) because it is a necessity.
I have not yet experienced 20 years of my life, but I do know that there are types of love that last a lifetime. We often get caught up in what not to love because we are selfish. I am not trying to take your enemy's side or tell you what you need. Knowing your worth and standing up for your beliefs are important, but try to understand where your enemy is coming from when they are upset. We have enough hate in this world, why try to genuinely hate? Maybe do not put up with their habits, but you can care and love for your angry enemy from a distance. At the end of the day, passion and love are what fuels us.
11. Know your worth.
I suppose this can fall under number four, but most of these correlate in one way or another by the end.
Knowing your worth will teach people how to treat you. Once you know what you deserve, you will be motivating people around you on how to treat you. Have confidence in who you are. Have faith in yourself when it becomes hard to stand for what you believe in. Do not let people take advantage of you.
12. Alcohol kills lives and ruins relationships.
From a young age, I have watched people make decisions they regretted because they were unconscious. Alcohol is not the answer to: peer pressure, depression, a good time, dehydration, gaining respect, or boredom. Alcohol and substance abuse are a waste of time and they will dwindle your life away. There is no excuse. If you want to go to a party or a social gathering and you know there will be alcohol, I strongly encourage bringing your own drink. You can have a good time without drinking.
But I know that we are human and I think that if you are going to drink, do it around people you trust and wait until your brain is fully developed. Wait until you have a better understanding of your own emotions and you know how to react with them.
13. Dance.
Lee Ann Womack said it all best in "I Hope You Dance". Embrace your emotions. When your body feels like dancing, DANCE. When you feel like screaming, SCREAM. When you feel like crying, let it POUR. Allow yourself to feel grief, love, and anger.
14. Do your homework.
If you know me, you know that I will do everything the last minute and as little literal school homework as possible. Do your school homework because it is there to better you. Do your life homework because you need to be able to rely on yourself at the end of the day. Ask questions. Ask the same questions to different people.
15. Popularity in k-12 is a façade.
Stop caring about what other people think of you while you are in school. It is a waste of time when you need to care about the things that will fulfill you in the long run. Do what makes you happy.
16. Try your best to be open-minded.
When you are open-minded, you will see new opportunities to places and people you might enjoy. Try something new (hopefully in a positive manner) and give things a chance before you shut them out.
17. Indulge yourself in the little things.
Pay attention to finer detail and allow your brain to ask questions. When you indulge yourself in the little things, you will feel spiritually enhanced and lighter. You might even crack a smile. What fills you with joy?
18. Write.
Write whether you think you are a great writer or an awful writer. Every once in awhile, jot down your emotions or what you see. Jot down anything you want to. See where writing takes you. It might clear a few things up.
